Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
