i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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