I heard we made out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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