He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ttyl tear gas
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
