Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
