So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
