She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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