I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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