Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
