in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
