Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wanna go halves on a baby?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i came on her dog
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
