i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
