i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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