I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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