I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
