Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
