Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
