The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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