How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize