Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
