Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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