I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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