lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
