I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
