He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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