A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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