I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
