If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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