in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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