you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
