R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
