Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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