Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
