I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
