he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize