So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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