Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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