Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just pee around me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
