I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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