I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
