My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize