We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My balls are so social today.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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