Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize