i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
