I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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