drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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