her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize