I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
