M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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