i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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