I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
