DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
