I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
