I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
