Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
