it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
