I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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