ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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