I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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