He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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