Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
