hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
