Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
