I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
