could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
COCAINE IS GR8
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
