You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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