I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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