i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
