Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
