hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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