So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
