He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
