Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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