I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
