So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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